Saturday, 12 October 2013

First words and more

And so to consider the many, many things I have learned this week...

1. Much excitement in the household as LP reportedly said her first proper word, that is if one chooses not to consider "fub" and "da" as actual words. Well as you know my money, well what I have left after having been bled dry by LP and her insatiable appetite for Eeyore baby grows, was on "dog" or perhaps "dad" being LP's first words. Great sadness befell me as apparently, or should I say allegedly, "mummy" was uttered by LP. This was further corroborated by our niece, who, with the absence of  Sodium Pentothal, I shall have to believe. I do hope LP's first sentence will be "Cousin Vicky's a wee fibber".

I'm not bitter though.

2. YM and LP attended their first Mother and Toddler Group this week. YM reported that she was chastised for referring to the group thus and not "Parent and Toddler" which attempts, but does not succeed, in portraying a more inclusive environment. Anyway YM and LP were made most welcome to the Chapter. YM advised that LP had "been a wee rascal" (I am sure that's what she meant) and chucked baby porridge on YM's jeans which went unnoticed until LP was chauffeured to the group. YM and LP were greeted by the Chapter Leader who was of course immaculate in a Mumsie kind of way. YM who was by now a tad frazzled and oat encrusted reported that she cursed the Mumsie leader and her spawn under her breath. By this time the baby porridge had semi hardened to resemble weeping pustules. Not the kind of look which ingratiates one to the other Chapter members. LP had a blast though and after a quick pit stop to fill up on Petits Filous and a change of a union jack team GB pampers nappy (on offer in ASDA), LP resembled a VERY young Gerri Halawell. Despite a few initial hiccups YM and LP will return again although Boogie Babies are trying to sway YM's resolve with the offer of "yummy tray bakes".

3. There are things you should not Google and then there are things you really should not Google. Sometimes when you Google stuff it is interesting to see how quickly Google fills in the search term for you.

Try typing in the phrase "baby poo".

This week LP has produced a few 'interesting' code brown's so, rather than just idly talk about it, though some might say I usually do, investigation was called for. Not only is there a handy description on but, to my horror, pictures too. I have decided that all baby poo looks like Dahl and therefore I won't let a single dahl laden papadum pass these lips ever again.
May I suggest the next time you think about placing an order at your local takeaway you give due consideration to your choice of side dish.

4. Stealth baby puke is the work of Beelzebub himself. Picture the scene gentle reader.. Wednesday morning at about 7.40. LP has had her breakfast and her 3 "Chucky" teeth have been cleaned. It's time for a wee bit of daddy and daughter time before I toddle off to earn a crust. As daddy's job has no dress code, he wears his usual work uniform of jeans, casual shoes and a shirt and jacket. Suddenly daddy looks down and feels moisture seeping through his shirt. His first reaction is that there has been a ninja 'drive by' then the reality hits home. On this sad day I became another victim of stealth baby puke.
It has to be acknowledged that I own a lot of shirts (47 last time I counted. I suspect it will be a long time before I am able to undertake a shirt inventory). Having always resisted "non-iron" shirts believing that ironing a shirt every morning was a homage to White Stuff, my preferred purveyor of shirt's, I was overjoyed to find a crease free shirt hanging in my wardrobe. I'm sure my colleagues were glad too as YM's advise was simply to "give it a quick sponge and put on some deodorant!".

5. Baby things. Everywhere I go I see bright coloured baby things. Some of them are useful. Spoons are useful but spoons which are shared like WW2 Meshersmitts are less useful. Blankets are useful but not when they fall under the wheels of a stroller and get caught up in the over complicated breaking mechanism. The most useless baby thing I have come across this week is a penguin that blows bubbles. A penguin which slides down icebergs I could understand but one which sticks (apparently) to the bathroom wall and blows bubbles, Tis a freak of nature although one which I would happily put up with if it actually produced a steady stream of bubbles to keep LP amused as YM attempted to make the sound of a slug which old McDonald has on his farm (I am now having fun by throwing curve balls to keep YM on her toes during  Old McD renditions). In truth Bubble blowing Penguin is as effective as an alpine horn player with emphysema.

6. Being older parents has presented us with a few concerns most of which were vanity based and to do with being thought of as grandparents to LP when she goes to School. Despite this wee concern we are also content in the knowledge that LP will graduate from Medical School and become an eminent Geriatritian thus being able to afford YM and I the best possible care in our twilight years...well that's the plan anyway.

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